How to survive in a fairytale
by RosePhin
Summary: Exactly what the titles says: some rules you need to know, if sucked into a fairytale universe, and more importantly, what happens if you don't follow them...
1. Chapter 1

**Don't freak out if animals suddenly talks to you  
**

It started out as a normal day – normal for me, that is. First my alarm didn't go off, resulting in me knocking everything in the house over in my hurry to get out of the door, then I forgot where my class was located, resulting in me running up and down empty halls at the school, and then I discovered that I was wearing mismatching socks – nothing out of the usual in my extremely clumsy and awkward life.

What got it all started however, was the fact that I missed the bus after school, resulting in me having to walk home. And from then on it all went downwards. It was quite a long way home when following the main road, so I decided to take a shortcut through the forest. I trudged through the overgrown path, not paying much heed where I was going, since I had walked this route many times before. But I should have figured out, that I wouldn't be able to walk past roots and branches without hurting myself, considering my clumsiness. So suddenly a root caught my foot and I found myself trembling down a hill ending with my face in the mud.

I'm not sure how long I was out cold, but when I finally woke I could swear the sun had moved backwards on the sky. I dismissed it as a trick of my vivid imagination though, and tried to think of how I was getting back up on the path. It proved more difficult than imagined, as the forest floor down here was way harder to navigate through. I felt I was getting more lost by the minute, and to calm myself down, I started a conversation with myself, as I often did when walking alone.

"I can't believe this", I started, "how is it even possible to get lost in a forest this size? I swear this must be the worst day of the week, although it is only Tuesday. How am I ever going to get back to the city?"

I was so engrossed in my musings that I almost jumped 5 feet in the air when a high-pitched voice answered: "You just turn left at the big oak, and follow the path you find."

I turned around, but no one was there. "Did I just start imagining hearing voices?" I wondered out loud.

"No, I'm down here", the voice said again.

I slowly looked down to the ground and saw a squirrel sitting at my feet. "No way", I exclaimed, "I did not just hear a squirrel talk."

"Why wouldn't I be able to talk?" the squirrel asked surprised, and that was when I really started freaking out."No way, no way, the squirrel talks…the squirrel actually TALKS! I must have hit my head harder than I thought, I need a doctor. Oh my gosh, I must have a concussion, I'm already hallucinating."As I blabbered on more and more frantically, I felt my feet start running as far away from the talking squirrel as possible, passing a big oak on the way, and only slowing down when the foliage got so dense it was impossible to go any further. I stopped just in front of a bush, panting hard, as I wasn't used to running so fast and so long. "This has got to be the weirdest day of my life. I'm lost, and addressed by a talking squirrel. Can this get any weirder?" I asked myself. Knowing my luck, I probably shouldn't have voiced that thought…

* * *

AN: So...tell me what you think. Hated it/loved it, I can handle the truth. And if there's some reallly terrible grammar mistakes let me know


	2. Chapter 2

**If you meet someone who looks, acts, and talk like he's mad – trust him**

After catching my breath again, I started looking around, searching desperately after some indication to where I was. But after a while, I realized I was now more lost than ever.

"Stupid talking squirrel!", I muttered under my breath, as I began to make my way through the foliage, feeling more than ever like an adventurer discovering an unknown jungle – and not in a good way.

More in the "why didn't I just stay at home"-way.

_How lost is it even possible to be in this forest? I don't remember it being this big_, I wondered.

Suddenly I heard a noise nearby, maybe a twig snapping, that I knew I hadn't made myself. I immediately froze, listening anxiously after more noises, trying not to imagine what it could possibly be.

_Oh no, it's a bear, or even worse – a mountain lion, or a wolf…never mind the fact that they don't live in the wild right here…but they could be escaped from a zoo…or a circus_

I was so engrossed in the imaginary dangers, that I almost missed the distant sound of footsteps coming closer.

"Please let it be someone who can help", I muttered, before spinning around to face my new companion. But nothing could have prepared me for the sight.

It was a man – or kind of a man. He didn't look very tall, but maybe it was the enormous stack of hats he wore, that made him seem smaller. I was also slightly distracted by the fact that his clothes were a strange mismatch of red dots and blue stripes, not to mention his eyes had a strange glow that made him seem quite intense, and rather crazy.

"Who are you?" I asked, when I had recovered from the shock.

"Who am I?" he answered, "the real question here is: who are you?"

"I asked you first", I said stubbornly.

"Who I am is of little importance… and by the way I am not sure who I am, but I know what I am and that is the grandest thing in the universe."

"Oookayyy", I said, not sure of what to make of that strange speech.

"And what I am, is what most people wish they were, had they dared to formulate the thought", he continued on, completely unfazed by my lack of response, "and if they did, the world would start partly spinning and falling apart by the sheer amount of acknowledgements."

At about that point I started to zone out of his ramblings, not that he seemed to notice at all.

_Okay, this is weird, this is really weird. Is he even for real? How do I know that I am not just hallucinating again? There is only one way to find out…_

And then I did the only thing I could think of – I pinched him.

"Ow", he cried, "That was completely uncalled for."

"Sorry", I said, "just checking if you were real."

"And why on earth wouldn't I be real?" he asked indignantly.

"Well, you've got to admit, that you look a little…ehm… mad", I said quietly, trying not to offend him too much.

"Well of course I do", he answered, all cheerful again, "I am as mad as they come. But allow me then to observe that you must be mad as well, as you are the one who is dressed like a boy."

"I am not", I stated, looking down at my T-shirt and jeans, "it is perfectly normal for girls to be dressed like this."

"I would beg to differ, but as I am mad, my opinion would never convince let us not argue. I hate quarrels. As a peace offering let me accompany you to town, I have an important meeting with the king, and I am sure he would be delighted to meet my new mad friend."

"I AM NOT MAD", I yelled at him, "and if you think I am going to trust you to take me anywhere, then you must be even madder than I thought", I finished furiously.

"Well then, a good day to you too", he said, trying to tip his hats, which resulted in him dropping them all to the ground. He frantically placed them all on top of his head again, before walking away from me.

I stood there a while, just staring after him.

_Was he even for real? I know he exists because I pinched him, but still…this day just keeps on getting weirder. Maybe I should have gone with him, mad or not. It's not like I can get anymore lost than I am already. Only more confused._

And the strangeness was only just getting started.


End file.
